It's been a long time since I blogged. I've been in a very bad place lately. Very depressed, very angry, I lost my way.

My grandfather passed, I started spending again, I lost the willingness to even budget. I was spiraling out of control. I think I have my feel firmly planted now.

My basement problems are still not solved. I had a company come in for a free inspection, told me it would be like $10,000, I told them to get out of my house. There is another company coming on Saturday to look as well, we'll see what they say.

I want to get a better hold on my finances. I transferred the balance of my sears card(~7500) onto a Discover w/0% int and onto a Capital One w/0% int. I stopped the debt snowball to help out with school cloths for the kids, but now I'm starting back up.

I just purchased YNAB. I did the demo for 7 days but what does that really give you. If I don't like it I have 30 days to say so. I think I'm going to though, I need to dig in, fight the urge to spend.

I also just ordered the book Debt is Slavery. My local library is trying to get it for me.

It's time to begin again!!!!

You've battled everyone else. You defeated the giant guarding the gate now it's only the level boss.

Can you conquer yourself?

I'm not real sure but I know I will come out on top.

I feel good right now. Surprisily.

I just set up some things in Quicken( still not sure if I like it). I also found a nice debt snowball worksheet that I'm going to use. In September if everything works out I will have my Target card paid off!

Blood, Sweat, Tears.....

I got my first credit back in 02 or 03. I'm not real sure of the date. I was working in DC at the time. My boss who was also a great mentor at the time helped me decide on my first card. It was an American Express blue. God it looked so pretty. I was really good with it too, only using it maybe once or twice a month. I never put more than $100 on it at a time. And I paid it off always. The only time I didn't pay it off was when I bought my first computer. But in four months I had it paid off, I was so proud of myself.

Fast forward........I'm living back home. I've meant a wonderful girl. She has two kids, but that doesn't bother me. The kids are awesome and have taken really well to me. We've been together for two years as of right now.

We just bought our first home. I'M A HOME OWNER!!!!

Wait....where did all these credit cards come from?

Next thing I knew I had two more credit cards, a JCP card, a Target credit card, a Kohls charge card, and Home Depot.

Online poker.......my achilles heel........but my friends that's a story for another time.

*****************************************************

Back in 2003 Chris Moneymaker won the World Series of Poker. That's where it all started for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1hPNhz1DD8

I ended up moving back home from DC after some contract troubles. I'm actually very glad that I moved back. I'm from a small town, where everyone knows everyone. I always thought the big city was for me, it was but it wasn't. I enjoyed the city but I missed the quiet comforts of home.

When I moved back I started playing poker just for fun really. My friend pointed me to a online site and I quickly made a deposit. Then I found other sites and quickly made deposits on them as well.

For a few years I'd deposit win a little lose a little then deposit again. It became my life really. I started to only want to play poker, I'd be at work and start thinking about it. Be with friends and family and want to leave so I could play. Eh no big deal.....

One night while playing a tourney I found myself pretty deep, next thing I know I'm at the final table and shortly after I win it all. Four hours of playing and I just won $1200+, I was bouncing off the walls. For the next month or two I continued to win. In that time I won enough money to pay off one of my four student loans. I had more money than I knew what to do with.

Fast forward.....it's June '09 and I've been with my better self for almost a year now. We've moved into an apartment together and my poker playing has still been happening, all though not as frequent.

By this time most of the money I had won is all but gone. The poker gods where on my side again and I took down another tourney for another 1200+; I felt unstoppable again. My honey was happy because we had this money, the kids were giddy because we could get this or that. But darkness was ahead....

I lost. How could I lose, nah this will turn around, I don't lose. It did, I started winning again. Only I was playing THUSNG(Turbo Headsup Sit and Go) I made over 1000+ again.

I'm awake but I can't see anything but blackness. Is it daytime?

I lost, I lost it all. I had nothing. I couldn't tell my better half she would leave me, I knew I was in trouble. So what did I do, I kept playing, and I kept on depositing with my credit cards. I could win it back.

The shit has hit the fan. My losses didn't stop and I couldn't pay off the cards each month. Then it happened she found out what happened. I was trapped in a storm out a sea. I didn't know where or what might happen. I was about to lose it all.....MY FAMILY!!!!

So here I am months later in over my head with credit card debt due to playing poker. I still have my family, I have my home, my two dogs, my vehicles.

What have you lost you might ask?

My dignity, my respect, my happiness, my life......MYSELF!!!!!

Debt has turned my days into fear. Is today the day I lose it all.......

I need a Total Money Makeover......

I finally couldn't breath. This was it, I was going to meet my maker.....

Actually this is what I felt like still feel like waking up each day. Why? I have a home, a beautiful girl friend, two great kids, two lovable dogs, one cat that I pretend I don't like.

But lurking around every corner I take is my looming debt. This wasn't suppose to happen to me, I'm smarter than the credit card companies. But I'm not smarter than myself.

So begins my journey; my climb out of the abyss that is my debt. My only obstacle........MYSELF!!!!!